Electrologist

Although they’re perfectly natural, the truth is: Stray whiskers on your face or body are like stray weeds in your garden. Unwanted, unwelcome, unruly, and unrelenting, they grow persistently and nag perturbingly, threatening to take over your entire consciousness or crop, whichever the case may be.

Unfortunately, you can’t get rid of unwanted hair with weed killer. Instead, you’ll need electrolysis — and an Electrologist to administer it.

If you’re an Electrologist, you’re an Aesthetician who permanently removes unwanted hair from your customers’ faces and bodies, typically for cosmetic reasons. For women, you most often focus on the upper lip and chin. For men, you concentrate on the back, shoulders, and in between the eyebrows. Practically anywhere there’s hair, however — ears, arms, stomach, chest, legs, knuckles, etc. — you can zap it.

In fact, “zap” is the most appropriate verb for what you do, as your signature method of hair removal is with an electric current that kills the hair when it’s administered, generally with a fine needle that’s inserted into the hair follicle. The process is simple and straightforward: As an Electrologist, you consult with the customer; sterilize the treatment area; insert the needle into the hair follicle; calibrate the electrolysis machine to administer the appropriate current for the correct length of time; activate the electric current; remove the hair with tweezers; then repeat the process several times across several weeks until the hair’s eradicated.

Although it sounds like torture, in all reality, the treatment doesn’t hurt. In fact, it only tingles. For the scruffy-turned-smooth, therefore, you’re not a sadist. You’re a saint!